7 Causes of Family Conflict and How Counseling Helps Solve Them

70% to 80% of Americans consider their families dysfunctional, according to Forbes. That’s a huge number. While one family’s conflict may be completely different from another’s, there are usually common patterns that tend to cause conflicts in many families.

Knowing what causes these conflicts can help you start solving them before they happen, which is to say that you can prevent them. A family can consist of the parents and children only. In other instances, it may include stepchildren, adopted children, grandparents, uncles, or anyone else staying there, even if just temporarily. Let’s think of a family in those terms.

Before we proceed, let’s admit that every family has faced some conflict, or faces one from time to time. The difference is in how they are resolved. Here are 7 causes of family conflicts and how timely family conflict counseling in Croton-on-Hudson, NY can help solve them:

Poor Communication Skills

A family may have all it needs but still experience endless conflict merely because all or some of the family members lack effective communication skills. Never mind that the success of a family unit depends much on communication. Communication involves listening while the other party is speaking and using just the right words when responding. Without these, there will be family conflict soon.

A marriage counselor will teach valuable communication skills, such as active listening and responses that take into account the context of the communication, such as the issue at hand, the place, and the time. The family therapist will also teach the family why it’s important to express one’s feelings, needs, and concerns in a way the rest can understand.

Family members also get to learn why empathizing with each other’s feelings and concerns is essential.

Undefined Roles

For a family to function, each member should clearly understand their roles. Bills have to be paid, and stuff like laundry has to be done. Marital obligations must be met; kids must be prepared for school.

A family is a verb, meaning it is always in motion. Each member has to keep it moving. When all or some of the family members are clueless about their purpose or roles, the train stops. There is disorder and imbalance in the family, which results in conflict.

At a marriage counseling session, family members are guided to understand and appreciate how their roles help keep the family in motion.

Unforgiving Spirit

In a family, some members will inevitably be wronged once in a while, knowingly or unknowingly. When a member is wronged, the anger or bitterness incurred can break up a family if there is no room for forgiveness or reconciliation.

A family counselor can help each family member deal with past wrongs by instilling in them a forgiving spirit that lets bygones be bygones. The counselor will assist them in developing the empathy and understanding necessary to create an environment of forgiveness and reconciliation whenever there is conflict in the family.

Low Self-esteem

Some members cannot express themselves adequately because of low self-esteem. The causes of this low self-esteem may vary, but the bottom line is that they are unable to play their parts effectively because they feel worthless or inadequate within the family. Maybe they are unemployed or are sick, and so can’t play their roles well.

Once family members feel somewhat worthless, conflict may soon develop because there is no healthy relationship. A marriage counselor can help family members build a high sense of self-worth so they can connect with each other confidently.

Anti-social Behaviors

One reason a family may have conflict is when a member has developed toxic behaviors that the rest can’t put up with. For example, take a family member who is a schemer, betrayer, dishonest, lazy or manipulative. You may call them personality disorders, but at the end of the day, that’s someone hard to live with, whether as a parent, spouse, or sibling. Sooner or later, there will be conflicts in the family.

Through questioning, dialogue, or observation, a therapist qualified to practice family conflict counseling in Croton-on-Hudson, NY can help a family identify these personality disorders. These behavioral characteristics can then be uprooted before they take deep root. Helping identify emotional issues affecting some family members will also

Unrealistic Expectations

There are always expectations to be met, but some family members may expect too much from others, leading to conflicts. The wife may want the husband to spend more time at home than he can achieve due to terms of work. At the same time, the father may expect the children to perform better in school than they can achieve, given their abilities.

Family members may also be expected to behave this or that way to protect the family image. This need to conform can put undue pressure on the family members, leading to conflicts instead of preventing them.

A family conflict counselor will help such a family set realistic or healthy expectations so that no one feels they are underachievers even after they have tried their level best.

Lack of Bonding Opportunities

Some families are in conflict just because they don’t create the time to bond, thanks to work or other issues. People are busy these days. Families soon become strangers because the members hardly understand each other.

Now, bonding is not always sitting or idling together in the house. As COVID-19 taught many families, spending most of the time together is not the same as bonding and so may not necessarily prevent conflicts.

If anything, there can be more family conflicts when the family members sit together all day looking at each other. Quality time is not about spending days together but making good use of the time to bond in practical ways.

Bonding requires that the family make an effort to engage in certain activities that help the members feel free to open up, enjoy each other, etc. These activities can include a video game, a camping trip, or a visit to a local attraction center.

A marriage counselor can advise the family on bonding opportunities they can try to help build warm relationships whenever they can afford to be together. Family conflict counseling Croton-on-Hudson, NY counselor will suggest places to visit or types of outdoor games to try.

They will also be taught about the importance of regularly creating the time to bond.

Wrapping It Up

Family conflict can be frustrating and draining. The last place you want to face serious misunderstandings and endless bickering is at home.

A family willing to seek help from a marriage counselor will be in a better position to deal with conflicts within the family, or even prevent them before they happen. Each member will learn the techniques that help in effective communication or identify matters that may become conflicts. Are you seeking support in identifying or handling conflict within your family? If so, consider family conflict counseling Croton-on-Hudson, NY.